On Knowing God: Sons of God (Why we Chose to Adopt)
"What is a Christian? The question can be answered in many ways, but the richest answer I know is that a Christian is one who has God for his father." -JI Packer
I sat in church recently, book on lap, trying not to insert myself into conversations and chatter around me. I was not within any specific group but quietly sitting right in the middle. Have you had this experience? Here’s me trying to concentrate on reading something like high school economics while others chat is always met with a quick end for me. Some can pull this off but I cannot.
One conversation behind me turned to IVF because a friend has a family member struggling with infertility. I must admit my ears perked because IVF is one of those subjects that Christians rarely think through unless they themselves or someone they hold dear is struggling with infertility. Plus it’s all over the news right now which means it’s all over Twitter. Without going into the perils and possible redeemable qualities of IVF, I’ll leave you with the link to Katy Faust’s website and move on to what made my heart sink a little.
My heart strings tugged because when adoption was mentioned (as it usually is at some point), it was mentioned in a negative light. It was not dishonored in any way but it was an impossible option for this dear sister in Christ’s family member. Lest you believe I’m just throwing shade in their direction, I do understand this line of thinking. “I just cannot do it.” That is generally what most people are quick to rebuff me with when they find out we have adopted out of foster care. It is the same thing people will tell me when they find out we homeschool. It’s like Justin and I are just regular super heroes with super human powers or something. Except we are not.
People want to know why we adopted especially since we still had 4 very small biological children at home. It’s a very long story (that I will share at some point) but the answer to the why is fairly simple. We adopted because we are adopted.
Let me let JI Packer explain.
This free gift of acquittal and peace, won for us at the cost of Calvary, is wonderful enough, in all conscience—but justification does not of itself imply any intimate our deep relationship with God the judge. In idea, at any rate, you could have the reality of justification without any close fellowship with God resulting. But contrast this, now, with adoption. Adoption is a family idea, conceived in terms of love, and viewing God as father. In adoption, God takes us into His family and fellowship, and establishes us as His children and heirs. Closeness, affection and generosity are at the heart of the relationship. To be right with God the judge is a great thing, but to be loved and cared for by God the father is greater. (Packer p. 187-188 bold emphasis mine)1
Shortly after we decided to adopt our children, we also decided to take them all out of town to celebrate. It may have been the weekend directly following sharing that news with all 8 children. We enjoyed driving down to Wisconsin to a place similar to The Great Wolf Lodge because the price of the room included passes for all of us to play at the waterpark inside the hotel. We are not always the brightest bulbs in the package. That decision (to take them all out of town right at that moment), might rank up there with the top five worst decisions Justin and I have ever made while parenting.
To make matters even more horrific (because we were not trained very well yet in the art of never telling your children about anything fun ever until the last possible moment), all 8 children were not just riding the struggle/excitement bus, they all had their own steering wheels, their own busses and were traveling at least 100 mph over the speed limit.
This kind of behavior would become not so affectionately known as the tornado effect. Tornados don’t usually last very long, but they cause a lot of destruction in their wake. Generally, all you can do is wait for them to pass and then try to pick up the pieces afterwards. This pretty much sums up the whole foster to adopt process.
I distinctly remember hopping out of the shower about 6 months pregnant, wrapped in a towel, children running and excitedly screaming up and down the stairs while Justin (who happened to now be in the bathroom area) yelled to me, “WHY ARE WE DOING THIS?” I understood just what he meant. It did feel level 10 crazy. I looked at him, eyes brimming with overwhelmed tears and said, “Because He adopted us.” There was nothing more to say.
Yes, there are other reasons but that’s the one I always come back to.
Here’s Packer again:
God adopts us out of free love, not because our character and record show us worthy to bear His name, but despite the fact that they show the very opposite. We are not fit for a place in God’s family; the idea of His loving and exalting us sinners as He loves and has exalted the Lord Jesus sounds ludicrous and wild—yet that, and nothing less than that, is what adoption means. (Packer, p. 195)
Sadly, many well meaning believers tried to dissuade us from adoption because they have known loved ones who had chosen this path and it didn’t seem to end well for their family or friends. It was full of heartache and pain and who would choose that? To be quite frank, God would. But also, there are no guarantees with biological children. There is no equation for children whereby which parents put in a biological child, add in faithful parenting and the outcome is without heartache. This isn’t living in reality.
It would be dishonest of me, however, to not acknowledge that most children who are adopted will struggle in very specific ways. Specifically, children adopted out of foster care not only have genuine trauma, health issues, neglect issues, first family issues and also have a high instance of fetal alcohol spectrum disorder while possibly being effected by drugs in-utero. These struggles could manifest themselves in mild or extreme ways. We have both kind living in our home. Though deserving to be in a stable, loving family life many Christians would consider these children to be “unworthy and unfit to bear their family name.”
Isn’t that ironic especially for the believer?
“Henceforth I call you not servants: for the servant knows not what his lord does: but I have called you friends.” (John 15:15)
“Behold! what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called the sons of God” (1 John 3:1)
“As many as received Him, to them gave He power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on His name: which were born, not of blood, nor the will of the flesh, nor the will of man, but of God” (John 1:12)
At some point even the best metaphors break down. Physical adoption isn’t a perfect image of our adoption as sons of God, rather it points to the very heart of God. Father of the lost, the unworthy, the hopeless and despairing. Previous to their adoption, our children didn’t even have a hope for a future inheritance. Yes, they had a name and a name is important, but more than a name, they needed a family. That is what God has chosen to give to me in his Son. It is what he has made us willing to do for our children. All praise and honor and glory be to Him alone. Amen!
PS. If that doesn’t convince you to at least read Chapter 19 of Knowing God. I don’t know if you can be convinced.
Packer, JI. Knowing God. Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 1973.